The Texas Connection: Vol. 9

March 17, 2021 Hanna Carroll

You're Back!? It's Good to See Ya!

Welcome back to the Texas Connection. Grab your cup of coffee and read this week's interesting finds from your Pals at Texas Humor.

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Happy St. Patricks Day! Here's your weekly news update & friendly reminder to wear green today.

In Your Neck of the Woods:

There's a Forecast... for Crawfish Season. If this doesn't scream S.E. Texas, I'm not sure what does.
It's a Girl! A baby elephant was just born at the Houston Zoo.
This Texan received 450,000 acres of land for a Monarch Butterfly conservation
Although Governor Abbott removed the mask mandate, Whataburger is still encouraging their customers to wear masks
Texas State Parks are set to go return to normal capacity
Still waiting for that Stimulus check? Our sources say it'll be hittin' your bank account THIS week

Weird Finds:

Imagine stealing a safe just to find a lock of hair Alexander Hamilton inside
7 Eleven is now selling $3 fish bites for Lent... and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Will Robots be replacing waiters to decrease the spread of COVID-19?
Have you ever wondered what it sounds like to stand on Mars? Well... now ya know.
I've never once questioned why movie theaters sell Pickles as I thoroughly enjoy a good pickle at a movie. If you were wondering... here ya go.
If you haven't seen Chicago's Green River in honor of St. Patties, give it a look here.

The Funnies:

Texas DPS is apologizing for sending out an Amber Alert featuring a Chucky Doll. Hear me out: "The emergency alert described Chucky as a 3-foot, 1-inch-tall doll wearing "blue denim overalls with multi-colored striped long sleeve shirt wielding a huge kitchen knife."
This Australian Grandma tackles purse snatcher
There is a $2 Million bounty if you can capture Bigfoot alive. I might or might not be live-streaming big foot calls now.
If you're going to steal, don't leave half-bit sausage lying around the crime scene.

The Furry Friend Weeklies:

If you're a dog person, you've gotta see this. No words could have prepared my for that level of cuteness.
Firefighters had to rescue a deer stuck in a Fence in New Jersey
An Ex-Oklahoma Zoo Worker Sentenced for Tortoise Trafficking???
Steer escapes slaughterhouse in Rhode Island... and is still on the run. Apparently, the cowboy population in the Northeast is lacking. Clearly, this guy was meant for moooore.

Until next week... stay newsy my friends.

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day, y’all! I’m back this week with another fun outdoor activity, but we’re bringing this one back to the city. One of my favorite ways to get outside and enjoy the springtime is getting out on the water in any way I can. And the best way to do that when you’re living in the capital city, is paddle boarding or kayaking out on Lady Bird Lake!

The best thing about it, you can make this an intense workout or an enjoyable day out on the water, it’s all up to you to create your own pace. Just enjoy paddling along the Austin skyline, and if you want to take it easy you can just lay out and enjoy that Texas sun. In a city that loves to be outside you’ll find it’ll be quite busy out on the water on most weekends, but don’t sweat it, there are lots of options for rentals up and down the water and it’s sure to be a good time no matter where you go.

Not in Austin? I also found some resources for paddleboarding and kayaking in Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio (my hometown) as well!

Pro Tip: Most rental shops, and myself, recommend starting your paddle up stream to make that trip back to the dock a whole lot easier.

Happy paddling my friends!

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Pictured: Crabmeat Souffle

Howdy Y’all!

I want to say Happy St. Patty’s Day to all my Irish friends and beer lovers. Unfortunately, I am still 4 months away from being able to partake in such festivities, so I have chosen to completely ignore this holiday until I am able to share in the fun. Until then, I want to feature some small and local restaurants for y’all to try out because I firmly believe that we should be supporting our local businesses all the time!

This first one is a bit hoity toity, but trust me it’s oh so good. Rise No. 1 in Dallas, Texas is a lovely small French restaurant that specializes in Souffles. The first time I came here, it was with my dad and I was thinking like.... Where the heck did this guy bring me. The interior on its own is a whole experience. It is reminiscent of the woods if we were in some fantasy world. There are lots of twinkling lights, lots of faux shrubbery, and little knick knacks available for purchase placed all around the restaurant.

Now how do you eat here? Well, the best course of action is to get a reservation ahead of time. The waits can be anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours if you just show up, but y’all, either way, you should definitely wait it out. When you are sat down, the waiter or waitress will bring you the bread in this lovely little guillotine contraption. I swear, you will never want to cut bread with a knife again. But besides all that, let's get into the food because that is why we are here.

They have a limited menu, but I think that’s good when they’re specializing in a specific dish. While they have a whole menu of options, they are known for their insane souffles. They have a variety of savory and sweet souffles available that will most certainly tickle your fancy. The souffle that I got was a seasonal favorite from the summer. It was a cajun crab meat souffle that brought me to tears.

Pictured: (left) Shrimp & Guacamole Souffle (right) Cheese plate with Smoked Gouda a crackled black pepper-crusted chevre, and a sweet camembert.

With big chunks of crab meat sprinkled throughout the pillowy soft souffle, it was like I was chewing a seafood cloud. Now you might be concerned about whether or not this will fill you up because it is such a light dish, and I would like to reference a very popular saying in these parts. “Everything is bigger in Texas”, and this is 100% true when it comes to these souffles. They are large in size and are completely capable of filling you up on an empty stomach. However, if you are looking for something else to pair it with, I highly recommend their cheese plate appetizer. You can choose up to 5 cheeses, I usually do three, and they bring you pairings to eat with your cheese.

Y’all this restaurant is nothing like you’ve seen before. While it is on the $$$ side of things, it is completely worth it for the whole experience. This is where you take your wife, your girlfriend, even your grandma when you’re trying to treat them to something real nice. I promise, you will not regret it if you go. And, if you go, please let me know!

Until Next week, I hope you eat something delicious.

-Cass

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Hey-o! It's St. Paddy's day! And as such I know most people will be seeking out green beer (now with glitter at some places), or drinking pints of Guinness (apparently more than 13 million pints are consumed every St. Paddys day 😲). If you're wanting to make your own green beer at home, pick a light beer (like a Lonestar) and add 2-ish drops of green food coloring. Boom! You got yourself a lucky Lonestar!

If green beer isn't quite your thing, but you'd still like to get in the spirit, try these Texan "Irish" beers:

Irish Coffee Cream Ale, Shannon Brewing Co.; Keller, TX. Easy drinkin' cream ale with smooth coffee upfront and vanilla-like sweetness. These guys also make a pretty good Irish red ale that's worth checking out if you're headed to the brewery which I highly recommend since their entire brewery is built around a process of brewing with fire and modeled after old Irish brewhouses. Perfect for St Paddys Day!

Irish Goodbye, Peticolas Brewing Company; Dallas, TX. A solid Irish red ale that's slightly sweet, slightly bready, and slightly bitter. If you're in the Dallas area swing by to try this one (and drink a Velvet Hammer for me, please. I miss that beer down here in Austin)

Luck O The Squatch, 903 Brewers; Sherman, TX. This one is a variant of their Sasquatch (a sticky, sweet imperial chocolate stout). It's essentially an Irish Slammer but in a can.

Bearded Seal, Pinthouse Pizza; Austin, TX. If you like Guinness but want a local tastier version, then this is your beer. They also have a nitro version if that's your thing.

Know of some other good "Irish" style Texas brews? Send 'em my way!
Sláinte! 🍀

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5 weird Texas laws that you should definitely “NeVeR” break…

1. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOT EVERYBODY…. Needs to sit down or I'm calling the cops.

In Lefors Texas it's technically illegal to take more than 3 sips, swallows, or shots of alcohol while standing up. So pop a squat before you down a Shiner if you find yourself in this panhandle town.

2. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you called the state police and had me arrested!

Yeah… I feel like this goes without saying but you can be selling your own organs in Texas. So the lesson is just keep all your gizzards and bits to yourself partner.

3. No Tanner… you can't get a mohawk because then your parents will be sent to jail. Grow up.

It's illegal for children in Texas to have odd or unnatural haircuts. Apparently we all owe our school dress codes a due of thanks for not sending us to Huntsville with frosted tips. RIP insync “gone but never forgotten”

4. Milker?!?! I hardly know her!

Look, I know we all love some sweet cow juice in the morning with our cereal. But, just be sure that the cows you're milking are your own, if not you’ll be MOOving to the big house. (apologies for that pun)

5. “Sir i've pulled you over today because your horse’s tail lights are out”

I'm not entirely sure the mechanics of putting a tail light on your horse. But if you don't do it in Texarkana, you’re violating traffic laws. And apparently they take it pretty seriously there… by which I mean… they aren't HORSIN around….