Us Texans are a fine group of people, but I’m beginning to think that the reason so many folks from other places is because they’re just not being warned about how to deal with us. I’m proposing that we begin to wear a few warning labels that will help them understand how best to avoid injury while in our presence.
Texans are good at a lot of things. Just ask us and we’ll list off a literal ton of things that we’re better than you at. One thing that won’t be on that list though is the ability to function around rain or snow. We see it so rarely that we lose the use of almost all motor skills.
Texans can be an excitable group of individuals. In general, doing things like jumping out of dark corners while yelling, “surprise” are not advisable. Not everyone in this state carries, but a heck of a lot do and we’ve got pretty good aim. Looking to increase your Texan-ness? Look no further.
We all know us Texans love tellin’ stories. Sometimes those stories are true. Sometimes they’re “stretched truths” aka “BS”. Us Texans understand it and don’t really have a problem seeing our way through the piles of it. All the foreigners who don’t understand that could use the helping hand of this caution.
I understand that us Texans are really attractive. It’s a fact of life. In fact, one of the laws of physics states that, “any matter taking the form of a Texan is highly flammable”, or something like that. If you’re planning on gettin’ “chummy” with any Texan. Just be aware of this fact and be ready to be burned.
Texans are always right. It’s that simple. If you’re the type of person that likes to occasionally win an argument here and there, then we’re probably not a good fit for you. The phrase, “an immovable object meets an unstoppable force” was created to describe one of the first arguments between two Texans.
We never know when God is gonna call us home, but the last thing we want is for our body to spend eternity buried in some horrible California or New York dirt. We should all be required to wear a label like this one that let’s folks know exactly where to ship our earthly spirit vessel once we kick the proverbial bucket.
Quiet is not a word I would use to describe us Texans. In fact, loud isn’t even really a strong enough word to describe how rowdy we can get. Heck, get a Texan talkin’ about how awesome Texas is and you’re gonna need the best hearing protection money can buy.
“Don’t Mess With Texas” refers to a warning against littering in Texas, sure. It also means, don’t talk trash about Texas around Texans because doing so can end in bodily harm. Avoid doing so at all costs around all Texans.