18. Eating All the Chips and Salsa Before Your Meal Comes
The struggle is real, y’all! In Texas, chips and salsa are like water – a life necessity and in most places free. No Texan has the will power required to avoid max capacity on these delicious freebies before your meal comes out.
17. Trying to Explain “Mums” to Non-Texans
First. You have to get over the shock that not everybody does mums on homecoming. Who knew, right? Once you get passed that, explaining the Texas tradition that is homecoming mums is one tough feat. There are flowers, ribbons, bells, whistles, and that’s just the beginning! Folks in the other 49 states don’t know what they’re missing out on.
16. When Your Chip Breaks In The Queso and/or Guacamole
When a chip isn’t chip enough to pass the queso/guac dip test, it really is the ultimate let down! All chips in Texas should be required to stand up to all our delicious dips, so that no Texan ever has to suffer from this ever again.
15. Wishing Summer Would be Over, and Then Immediately Regretting It
We’ve all been there. After four straight months of 100+ degree weather, we tend to start longing for sweater weather days. False. One strong cold front is all it takes for all Texans to IMMEDIATELY regret this decision. I guess it’s like they say, be careful what ya wish for.
14. Fighting the Urge to Pick Up Second Dinner at Whataburger at 2am
It’s that time of night. The bar shuts down, and all you can think about is ordering a number one with cheese – Whatasize the fries. You try to fight it, but, you give in. Every. Time.
13. Getting Out of Your Toob After Floating the River
You’ve been floating all day – enjoying a few beverages and floating away from friends to pee in your toob. Your exit comes up, and you end up battling just to get out of the dang toob! Then, you’re lucky if you don’t fall back in the toob once you try and stand. But hey, at least everyone next to you is fighting the same battle.
12. Trying ALL OF THE THINGS at the State Fair
Fried butter. Fried cheesecake. Fried beer. Fried jambalaya. Fried corn dogs. The list goes on, and on, and on y’all. It all sounds delicious. How are you ever supposed to choose?! So, you make it your mission to try all of the fried things.
Hello self-loathing.
11. Having To Pick Between Patio Happy Hour or The Gym
We all know Texas has amazing patio weather. It’s one of the reasons we’re blessed to live in this great country. You know you should go for a run. But your buddy just called and wants to grab margaritas. The inner-struggle is real, y’all. But…maybe not that real. Margaritas win any day!
10. Traffic. All. The Time
The only problem with living in the greatest country on earth, is dealing with all the foreigners who want to move here. Cities like Austin, Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio already had the WORST TRAFFIC on earth. But, now we’ve got all these transplants here crowding up our already jammed roads and making anytime between 7am-9am and 3:30pm-7:30pm the worst thing. Ever.
9. Summer Seatbelt Burns
You’re definitely Texan if you’ve gotten one of these before. Not much more explanation needed here.
8. Keeping Your Ego in Check When You’re Blessed to Be Born Texan
We know we’re blessed to be living in this great place called Texas. We’ve got everything a person could ever need: great folks, beautiful places, cold beer, old honky-tonks, good music, delicious food, and the 14th largest economy in the world. The list goes on and on. Why the heck would anyone ever want to live anywhere else, and we know it.
7. Attempting Not to Judge People for Saying “You Guys”
Texans aren’t really the judging type, but when someone comes up to us and says “you guys”, we come real close. I mean seriously. Why would you say “you guys” when y’all is a) is easier and b) sounds cooler. We’re all about efficiency and style in Texas.
6. Having to Keep Summer and Winter Clothes Out All “Winter”
This might be one of the hardest things about being Texan. The season of “Really Hot” just left and we’ve moved on to the season of “Cold Fronts”. The problem is these “cold fronts” don’t last. So, our closets and dresser drawers are at constant max capacity! We have to be bundled in ALL of the layers one day, and ready to bust out our shorts and flip-flops the next.
5. That Burn in Your Eyes (and other areas of your body) After Slicing Jalapeños
We wouldn’t wish this on our worst enemy! There’s nothing worse than slicing a jalapeno, forgetting you did, and then rubbing your eyes (or going to the bathroom). All the water or milk in the world won’t help ya friend. It’s just the worst. Ride it out.
4. Driving in the Rain
We don’t really like to admit it, but let’s be real. All Texans are terrible at driving in the rain. We aren’t really all that familiar with the weird wet stuff that falls from the skies occasionally, so let’s all agree that when it does, we kind of freak out. It’s terrifying and overwhelming all at the same time.
3. Dancing With Someone Who Doesn’t Know How to Two-Step
Most Texans are natural born dancers. All it takes is a little booze, a good band, and the right partner. Occasionally though, we get suckered in to dancing with a Yankee or someone from Californiaville. It’s rough – your toes get stepped on or the girl can’t follow worth a darn. But you only have to make it 3:30 minutes. You can do it y’all!
2. Texas Weather
Rain one day. Freezing the day after. A sauna the next. We can have a cold snap in early December, and then have flip-flop weather for Christmas. It’s hard to comprehend folks, and clearly Texas weather gets its kicks out of being unpredictable.
1. Explaining to People What “Ain’t Texas” Means
As a Texan, the phrase “Ain’t Texas” is as easy to understand as 1+1=2, but the unlucky folks that live outside Texas tend to struggle with it a bit. In a nutshell here’s all you need to tell ‘em: there are two types of states in America; Texas, and all the rest that ain’t Texas.
